What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's never too late to be topless.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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