Do you still have your period?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
