My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
