She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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