Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
