I met the friendliest cop last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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