When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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