you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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