never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
