Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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