How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
