is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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