dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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