dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
