Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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