i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
