My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Randomize
