Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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