Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
