my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
