I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
