you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
