its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
