yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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