Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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