Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
