I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
