I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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