Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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