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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.

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• (858): View more from California

  Life is so much better after having sex.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Her vagina smelled like bad decisions

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.

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