If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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