apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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