no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
