Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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