Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
