Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
