I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
