dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Enjoy the penises
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
