my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
