I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If I die, sorry about rent.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
