i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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