Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
