TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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