ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
