Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
