Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
