We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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