Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
