I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
