I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
