This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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