I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
