the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
